So, here I am, back to base. My birth place, New Delhi. 8 years ago, I walked out of the city, with some dreams and apprehensions, must say settled happily in B'lore. "you are going back to your own city", people said, when I Shared my thoughts of moving back. I am still not very sure, if am happy to be back here, or if it's too early for me to decide. Life started here, this is the city which made me what I am today. Fearless. Forthright. So what is it that is stopping me from embracing it again? Is it the fact that my parents, my sister, my adorable lil niece are all down south? Or is it the flashback of certain ugly episodes that happened few years ago? I wish I could place my finger on one thing and make up my mind. Sitting by the balcony of a multi-storeyed building,when I look out I only see clusters of towers, it feels as if they are closing on me, I feel choked, I close my eyes to create space in my mind. And as I do that, I also pray quietly, for peace and well being of my loved ones.
About 10 years ago, on my way to work, I stopped at a chemist shop and bought a self pregnancy test kit. I reached the office, logged in, went about my routine, waiting for my team to settle down. A couple of hours later, I went to the washroom to take my test. My worst fear came true, the result was positive. I was pregnant. I just didn't know how to react. I cried. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do, whom to talk to, whom to call- Nothing! My mind was blank. I walked up to my Manager and told him, I needed to go home, as I wasn't 'feeling' well. My husband traveling helped, as I didn't want to answer any questions. I reached home and I cried my heart out, something I couldn't do in the office easily. After that, I threw up. Why did I cry? I cried because I was torn between keeping the baby and keeping my job. I did not understand at that time, what was more important. I knew in my heart that I could not leave a child with a maid and work peaceful...
I know what it feels rooting from your comfort zone... but thats life and this phase will also pass...joining with you in prayers for your loved ones...
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