I a a very weird person. I am not gifted, don't consider myself to be special, not very talented. Though I am a happy go lucky kinda person, I also believe in living and accepting my emotions. If things hurt me, I get upset. I can't just immediately brush it off saying, "it's okay" and even if I do, I don't mean it.
It has been like this for a very long time, I have tried, really hard but there is part of me which doesn't let go easily, the wrongs stay in my head - subconscious mind forever.
Yes, I forgive. I forgive people who hurt me, broke my trust, cheated me, lied to me. But, frankly, I do mope. I cannot bring myself to put everything behind and move on. While I do move on physically, but that stuff stays. It just stays, I do not harbor vengeance, I do not nurture intentions or spite of paying them back, but I get upset when I see them praising themselves without any conscience. I suffer from this problem, and it pains me to see such people making fun of relationships and using people to their advantage.
Today, the same set of people, go around giving 'gyan' to others on life, friendships, relationships, parenting - OMG!
I want to ask that person who claimed to be my 'best friend', (not to forget the fact that I was a fool, written in caps on my forehead) what did she get by doing what she did?
She had never been on a fun holiday until we guys moved in, got close and decided to take the entire family with us. Her parenting skills are definitely questionable, if my child hurts someone, I would scold my child and tell the truth to the fellow mother instead of lying and saving her kid. For godssake, you were not helping your child by covering up.
I overlooked that part, thinking that she is married to a typical chauvinist guy, who doesn't help her around the house, or with the kid but just orders there, so parenting alone can be a task. I wish it had stopped there, but no, she went on, she accused my husband of things that he had never done, and to do this she went to another friend, who always had best intentions for me and always held me in good taste, which obviously this lady couldn't digest, and played her dirty politics between her and me. I must admit that I was very stupid to have believed every word poured in my ear, so much that I started looking at my husband as my enemy and within few days I became her, looking at everything around me negatively - my life after my son, which I had chosen happily, I suddenly found it frustrating. All gatherings hosted at my house, at my expense, so that her house is spic and span, as the lady doesn't like entertaining people, according to her, the kids would dirty the house, there would be dishes in the sink, which she cant rinse and put away for the maid, so our lady would only be happy to go to someone else's house. And instead of being grateful, she and her husband who otherwise is cursed by her, would suddenly become her counterpart would mock at others efforts.
A person who has never celebrated her daughter's birthday has actually the audacity to go and give her valued opinion about it, has she ever attempted in celebrating one? Does she know the effort that it takes to arrange the return gifts, make the guest list? The answer is - NO! Then who the hell gave you the right to talk about stuff which I am sorry you have never done?
Yes, I ignored and ignored and ignored. Ignored her taunts about snippets of my life that I shared with her, ignored the fact that if she had a fight with my husband she would again use her famous curse and wish upon his death, not thinking even once, what would happen to his family. She played her dirty politics between my husband and me also.
She accused me of things that I could never ever do, forget doing, I couldn't even bring it in my thoughts for a moment. She cursed my son, the one who was always loving to her, she made fun of him, as boastful as it may sound, I think I have certainly raised a well mannered kid, who from the age of 1 had the etiquette of eating, talking etc..
What did she do with her kid?
The husband and wife who otherwise had very little in common to talk about, had the guts to actually look into others relationships and bitch about it, instead of opening their eyes and looking into their lives, the homes of others, the layer of dust on other's furniture was always jeered, but, a look in their drab surrounding was completely ignored.
I am sorry, call me old school, but, I strongly believe, if someone calls themselves your 'friend' and 'true friend' at that, you do not expect filth for your family and loved ones from them. It's not about the 'curses', I don't believe in orthodoxy stuff, what hurt me was the fact that you as a friend could go to the extent of wishing bad for your friend - her family, her loved ones.
Yes, I have forgiven her, telling myself that she was probably too frustrated with others happiness as there was a lack of it in hr life. But, in all honesty I have not forgotten, I don't think I ever can.
I wish her well, as I did earlier, because unlike her, I didn't break the rules of friendship. At the same time, I also wish that she takes just one day or a moment to reflect truly and honestly on what she did, because, knowing her, the day she truly reflects, will be the day she will realize what she did... At every step, I remained a friend, and at every step, she cheated me.
When the truth finally prevailed, I didn't have the courage to walk up to my loved ones, (who constantly warned me about this person) to say sorry. I just broke down, and they understood. As it's rightly said, when people love you genuinely, they accept your apologies and they welcome you in their hearts - again! I wish she had just come to me once and said, that hey look, I don't think we can be good friends, I would have probably appreciated her, or if she had come up and been honest about her viewpoints, my respect would have doubled. If I start on my list, there would be no end. For a person, who made sure that she got what she wanted on her birthday or her kid's birthday, what did she do in return? Pass out her rejected stuff to others as gifts. As I said earlier, I ignored loads of stuff, stating immaturity, but, again, let me not dwell too much, otherwise the space would be less to list out.
There is no dearth of good friends in my life, there was never. There are a bunch of them with whom I grew up, who know me inside out, who revel with me in my happiness, share a tear with me when am dunked in my sorrow,encourage me, motivate me, humor me. Then there are other well wishers, who wish me when something good happens, are ready with their tried and tested advices on many things, then there is another category, who are just honest. When I think about these people, I feel blessed.
In the process, I have hurt few people, and maybe like me, they would have forgiven but might not have forgotten :). It's not easy..especially, when she still sits and curses without accepting her mistakes. I don't know if she reads my blogs, and if she does read this, I wish she really takes a moment.
Lesson learnt - Being good and expecting others to reciprocate in the same way is like a lion not eating you because you are a vegetarian.
It has been like this for a very long time, I have tried, really hard but there is part of me which doesn't let go easily, the wrongs stay in my head - subconscious mind forever.
Yes, I forgive. I forgive people who hurt me, broke my trust, cheated me, lied to me. But, frankly, I do mope. I cannot bring myself to put everything behind and move on. While I do move on physically, but that stuff stays. It just stays, I do not harbor vengeance, I do not nurture intentions or spite of paying them back, but I get upset when I see them praising themselves without any conscience. I suffer from this problem, and it pains me to see such people making fun of relationships and using people to their advantage.
Today, the same set of people, go around giving 'gyan' to others on life, friendships, relationships, parenting - OMG!
I want to ask that person who claimed to be my 'best friend', (not to forget the fact that I was a fool, written in caps on my forehead) what did she get by doing what she did?
She had never been on a fun holiday until we guys moved in, got close and decided to take the entire family with us. Her parenting skills are definitely questionable, if my child hurts someone, I would scold my child and tell the truth to the fellow mother instead of lying and saving her kid. For godssake, you were not helping your child by covering up.
I overlooked that part, thinking that she is married to a typical chauvinist guy, who doesn't help her around the house, or with the kid but just orders there, so parenting alone can be a task. I wish it had stopped there, but no, she went on, she accused my husband of things that he had never done, and to do this she went to another friend, who always had best intentions for me and always held me in good taste, which obviously this lady couldn't digest, and played her dirty politics between her and me. I must admit that I was very stupid to have believed every word poured in my ear, so much that I started looking at my husband as my enemy and within few days I became her, looking at everything around me negatively - my life after my son, which I had chosen happily, I suddenly found it frustrating. All gatherings hosted at my house, at my expense, so that her house is spic and span, as the lady doesn't like entertaining people, according to her, the kids would dirty the house, there would be dishes in the sink, which she cant rinse and put away for the maid, so our lady would only be happy to go to someone else's house. And instead of being grateful, she and her husband who otherwise is cursed by her, would suddenly become her counterpart would mock at others efforts.
A person who has never celebrated her daughter's birthday has actually the audacity to go and give her valued opinion about it, has she ever attempted in celebrating one? Does she know the effort that it takes to arrange the return gifts, make the guest list? The answer is - NO! Then who the hell gave you the right to talk about stuff which I am sorry you have never done?
Yes, I ignored and ignored and ignored. Ignored her taunts about snippets of my life that I shared with her, ignored the fact that if she had a fight with my husband she would again use her famous curse and wish upon his death, not thinking even once, what would happen to his family. She played her dirty politics between my husband and me also.
She accused me of things that I could never ever do, forget doing, I couldn't even bring it in my thoughts for a moment. She cursed my son, the one who was always loving to her, she made fun of him, as boastful as it may sound, I think I have certainly raised a well mannered kid, who from the age of 1 had the etiquette of eating, talking etc..
What did she do with her kid?
The husband and wife who otherwise had very little in common to talk about, had the guts to actually look into others relationships and bitch about it, instead of opening their eyes and looking into their lives, the homes of others, the layer of dust on other's furniture was always jeered, but, a look in their drab surrounding was completely ignored.
I am sorry, call me old school, but, I strongly believe, if someone calls themselves your 'friend' and 'true friend' at that, you do not expect filth for your family and loved ones from them. It's not about the 'curses', I don't believe in orthodoxy stuff, what hurt me was the fact that you as a friend could go to the extent of wishing bad for your friend - her family, her loved ones.
Yes, I have forgiven her, telling myself that she was probably too frustrated with others happiness as there was a lack of it in hr life. But, in all honesty I have not forgotten, I don't think I ever can.
I wish her well, as I did earlier, because unlike her, I didn't break the rules of friendship. At the same time, I also wish that she takes just one day or a moment to reflect truly and honestly on what she did, because, knowing her, the day she truly reflects, will be the day she will realize what she did... At every step, I remained a friend, and at every step, she cheated me.
When the truth finally prevailed, I didn't have the courage to walk up to my loved ones, (who constantly warned me about this person) to say sorry. I just broke down, and they understood. As it's rightly said, when people love you genuinely, they accept your apologies and they welcome you in their hearts - again! I wish she had just come to me once and said, that hey look, I don't think we can be good friends, I would have probably appreciated her, or if she had come up and been honest about her viewpoints, my respect would have doubled. If I start on my list, there would be no end. For a person, who made sure that she got what she wanted on her birthday or her kid's birthday, what did she do in return? Pass out her rejected stuff to others as gifts. As I said earlier, I ignored loads of stuff, stating immaturity, but, again, let me not dwell too much, otherwise the space would be less to list out.
There is no dearth of good friends in my life, there was never. There are a bunch of them with whom I grew up, who know me inside out, who revel with me in my happiness, share a tear with me when am dunked in my sorrow,encourage me, motivate me, humor me. Then there are other well wishers, who wish me when something good happens, are ready with their tried and tested advices on many things, then there is another category, who are just honest. When I think about these people, I feel blessed.
In the process, I have hurt few people, and maybe like me, they would have forgiven but might not have forgotten :). It's not easy..especially, when she still sits and curses without accepting her mistakes. I don't know if she reads my blogs, and if she does read this, I wish she really takes a moment.
Lesson learnt - Being good and expecting others to reciprocate in the same way is like a lion not eating you because you are a vegetarian.
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