So, the weekend's agenda was 'meet the inlaws' - my inlaws. And like many women, inspite of being married for a long time, the 'inlaw' factor still stirs a lot of mixed emotions, though I have learnt my way out and in of nagging situations, my heart continues to beat faster.
Anyway, there were lot of children, as it was my nephew's birthday party. The kids were playing, shouting, running, jumping, fighting - exactly in that order. My son. all of 8 is a little sensitive, he hasn't learnt yet to deal with violent or hyper energetic kids. He kept requesting a kid of his age to stop kicking him, but the other one didn't listen, and as it's famously said, "Survival of the fittest", my son finally kicked back, and blocked him using his karate moves,(at last the technique was put to use)!
The fight actually increased, as the other kid now charged with all his might. By the time the elders stopped the fight, that kid had hurt my son, I was chatting with my Father in law, when my son came crying, showing the bruise. While I was consoling him, I also explained, why its important to fight back. In the middle of all this, my father in law said, "Hey, stop behaving like a girl, you are a boy, and BOYS don't CRY!!
I was surprised, politely but firmly, I told my FIL (father in law) that I do not agree with such views, and this is not what I teach my son, and surely don't want him to imbibe such 'shallow' values. I told my son, who had a quizzical expression on his face, that it's perfectly fine to cry. I had always told him that. I said its a good way of venting your emotions, so now, he had those raised eyebrows, a question mark on his forehead, because he had never heard this before. He started doubting me, as the valuable advice was coming from his Grandfather - A MAN, an elderly person, and he was always taught that grandparents certainly knew more than the parents as they are parents parents. Phew!! For a minute, I thought "OMG! What khichdi of thoughts in that small brain?"
I finally pulled him to me, and I said "Crying is not bad. Tears come from our heart when we are hurt, when we are sad and in pain. Tears should not be used as a weapon to demand stuff or throw a tantrum. At the same time, and crying all the time for everything can label you as whiny kid. A whiny kid can be a girl or boy. Tears are a healthy way to let go of our pent up emotions. Tears have no gender".
Then he said, "So why did Achappa(granddad in malayalam) say that boys don't cry? You always say that they know things more than you". For which I replied, Grandfather belonged to a time, when boys were told to be always tough, not to do household work, not to help any women, but, times have changed, and most men realized, that being tough doesn't mean hiding emotions, it meant, accepting that you are a human being, and its very natural to feel sad as it is to feel happy. Then I gave him the example of his dad, who expresses his emotions, who helps around the house etc.., and he is respected and loved tremendously for that. So don't you want to be like him? I asked, for which he replied in positive, and said that he also helps around the house, and I said Yes, and told him that I was proud of him. He went back to the gang of children, I just smiled at my father in law and told him that times have really changed. He obviously did not agree, but he knew his son didn't follow the same theory.
Just when I sat down for a gossip session with my sisters in law, my son came back asking the meaning of 'tears of joy', I requested for another day to explain that theory ;)
Anyway, there were lot of children, as it was my nephew's birthday party. The kids were playing, shouting, running, jumping, fighting - exactly in that order. My son. all of 8 is a little sensitive, he hasn't learnt yet to deal with violent or hyper energetic kids. He kept requesting a kid of his age to stop kicking him, but the other one didn't listen, and as it's famously said, "Survival of the fittest", my son finally kicked back, and blocked him using his karate moves,(at last the technique was put to use)!
The fight actually increased, as the other kid now charged with all his might. By the time the elders stopped the fight, that kid had hurt my son, I was chatting with my Father in law, when my son came crying, showing the bruise. While I was consoling him, I also explained, why its important to fight back. In the middle of all this, my father in law said, "Hey, stop behaving like a girl, you are a boy, and BOYS don't CRY!!
I was surprised, politely but firmly, I told my FIL (father in law) that I do not agree with such views, and this is not what I teach my son, and surely don't want him to imbibe such 'shallow' values. I told my son, who had a quizzical expression on his face, that it's perfectly fine to cry. I had always told him that. I said its a good way of venting your emotions, so now, he had those raised eyebrows, a question mark on his forehead, because he had never heard this before. He started doubting me, as the valuable advice was coming from his Grandfather - A MAN, an elderly person, and he was always taught that grandparents certainly knew more than the parents as they are parents parents. Phew!! For a minute, I thought "OMG! What khichdi of thoughts in that small brain?"
I finally pulled him to me, and I said "Crying is not bad. Tears come from our heart when we are hurt, when we are sad and in pain. Tears should not be used as a weapon to demand stuff or throw a tantrum. At the same time, and crying all the time for everything can label you as whiny kid. A whiny kid can be a girl or boy. Tears are a healthy way to let go of our pent up emotions. Tears have no gender".
Then he said, "So why did Achappa(granddad in malayalam) say that boys don't cry? You always say that they know things more than you". For which I replied, Grandfather belonged to a time, when boys were told to be always tough, not to do household work, not to help any women, but, times have changed, and most men realized, that being tough doesn't mean hiding emotions, it meant, accepting that you are a human being, and its very natural to feel sad as it is to feel happy. Then I gave him the example of his dad, who expresses his emotions, who helps around the house etc.., and he is respected and loved tremendously for that. So don't you want to be like him? I asked, for which he replied in positive, and said that he also helps around the house, and I said Yes, and told him that I was proud of him. He went back to the gang of children, I just smiled at my father in law and told him that times have really changed. He obviously did not agree, but he knew his son didn't follow the same theory.
Just when I sat down for a gossip session with my sisters in law, my son came back asking the meaning of 'tears of joy', I requested for another day to explain that theory ;)
Nice lecture to take back home to my son.
ReplyDelete