Perfect Motherhood : Overrated!

Read yet another article on "how to be a PERFECT Mother"?, I am seriously tired of such articles, columns, books on "how to's".

"Perfect Mother' is actually an oxymoron, because if all people are unique and they have their personality traits and quirks, how can there be anyone who is perfect? My idea of perfection will clash with another's concept of perfection. 

My right will be wrong for someone else, and vice versa. The article said "Be your own kind of Mom" and then it gives you "tips".. Am thoroughly confused, because, if I have to be my own kind, would I follow my instincts or will I remember someone else's TIPS??

The world that we are living in, and are bringing up our children in is not a safe place anymore, we are technologically advanced, and morally just going backward. Pick up the damn newspaper any day, from the first page till you reach the Business and sports column, it's all about crimes. I have stopped telling my child that it's a beautiful world out there because it is not.

Parenting today is very very difficult. It's a 'job', and it's more challenging, tiring, stressful than it was earlier. It is also thankless. On one hand, we have to keep the girls safe, and on the other hand, we also have to prepare them to face the risks and stand up for their rights. Boys are not far behind, thanks to all the rape cases, where most of the rapists these days are minors, every little boy is looked at with suspicion, and that look pierces your heart.

No Mother would have ever thought that her son would turn out to be a rapist, because, she did not teach him to rape. I do not believe that a child who is brought up in an abusive household turns out to be a rapist, because, if you just pick up the cases of molestation and rape, most of these children are from normal households. Who do we blame? The exposure? The TV? The lack of proper sex education in schools in our country, where it is not conducted as a part of the curriculum because of some backward man's school of thought? 

When the hormonal changes happen in the body, shouldn't there be someone, a counselor at least, whom the children can go to and share their views or anxiety, without the fear of being judged? Not all children go to their parents and discuss their body changes, while the physical changes are evident in a girl, what about the boys? Who do they go to? As growing up children, how many of us went to our parents with our concerns about our bodies? The age of a girl attaining puberty, 10 years ago was also about 14-15, look now, girls are reaching that stage as early as 9. 

With all these shocking developments, staring at us, how can we even write something about "Perfect Parenting"? Is this right? 

Children have a lot of exposure these days, we cannot stop all kinds of exposure, from the newspapers to internet to media, its all out there,  how much can you stop? You can put restrictions on certain websites when your child grows up and starts surfing the net, but can you stop your child from mingling with his friends and peers? What if he gets the information from someone else? 

Don't you think that it's easier to keep the communication channel open at home? Allay the fears. Clear the muddle.

For growing up boys, shouldn't the fathers take initiative and talk to them about the body changes, and comfort them? Similarly, can't a Mother be more vocal about the changes happening in the body? Why do we sit in denial saying, our daughter or our son, won't have a physical relationship with anyone until they get married? Instead why can't we educate them about protection? We have already reached a time, where the concept of marriage is disappearing, Live in's have been legalized, how sure can we be about this institution 20 year later?  It's a human tendency, to always explore what is denied to us. Whether it's a boy / girl, we always want to know why something is forbidden. Adam and Eve ate the fruit only because it was 'forbidden', we all know that story. 

Parenting is not an art, its a task, your 5 year old is a perfect child today, that does not make you a perfect parent, because you don't know how he / she will be at 15. 

We don't only have to protect our girls, we also have to protect our boys, because not every lil boy walking is a rapist, he probably is also a victim of abuse - physical, social, emotional. 

As a mother of a boy, it's my moral duty, to teach my son to respect women. And I do that. But, that does not mean, that just because he has an argument with a girl over something, he doesn't respect her. What happens when your daughter argues with you? Would you say the same thing? Arguments happen, when there is a difference in opinion, when your viewpoints clash. What would you say to the famous Mother in law- daughter in law arguments? Husband and wife arguing? 

I am trying my best, to bring up my child to be sensitive, thoughtful, caring, at the same time, I want him to stand on his feet firmly for his convictions. We argue, over logic, there are times when his logic makes more sense than mine. Then I agree and go ahead with it. To only explain to him that arguments are not gender based, they should be simply logical and based on facts.

 When I read about minor boys raping, I shudder. I look at the innocent face, and I well up, there are constant questions, "Am I doing everything right?" "Am I telling him the right thing?". And I am sure, I am not the only Mother who has these fears and doubts, I might be one of the few Mothers for sure to accept the fears, because, I am flawed and I am not Perfect. I don't hesitate in saying, I made a mistake, tell me how to sort it out, rather than zipping up my child's mouth by saying "Because I say so".

Let's not forget, Still waters run deep. So what lies beneath can leave one aghast.

We do not live in a 'perfect' world, how can we 'perfect' something then. It's Parenting, it's a life you are dealing with, how can that be perfect when as individual that life has it's views, a brain. Instead of competing on becoming the best parent, can't we hold hands and share our practices and help each other in creating a better future?