About 10 years ago, on my way to work, I stopped at a chemist shop and bought a self pregnancy test kit. I reached the office, logged in, went about my routine, waiting for my team to settle down.
A couple of hours later, I went to the washroom to take my test. My worst fear came true, the result was positive. I was pregnant. I just didn't know how to react. I cried. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do, whom to talk to, whom to call- Nothing! My mind was blank. I walked up to my Manager and told him, I needed to go home, as I wasn't 'feeling' well. My husband traveling helped, as I didn't want to answer any questions. I reached home and I cried my heart out, something I couldn't do in the office easily. After that, I threw up. Why did I cry? I cried because I was torn between keeping the baby and keeping my job. I did not understand at that time, what was more important. I knew in my heart that I could not leave a child with a maid and work peacefully, because, I wasn't the kind of person who could trust people so easily. I cried myself to sleep that night. Woke up the next morning feeling nauseous. I sent a message to my Manager telling him, that I wasn't well, and would be taking a week off. He was surprised, as he had known me to be someone, who was willing to work even when down with a viral. He sensed that something might be seriously wrong and hence agreed immediately, assuring me that he would take care of everything and I should nurse myself back to health.
After a bout of throwing up, I went to the nearest hospital. Walked into the OPD, waited for 45 minutes, to meet a gynecologist. She did a thorough check-up and confirmed that I was about 5 weeks pregnant. Congratulated me and I said thank you, expressionless. As I walked out, I turned around and asked her, if I had time to abort, she told me I had 3 more weeks for aborting safely. Confused, I called up my husband and cried while telling him about the pregnancy. He coolly said it was my decision to continue with the pregnancy or to choose otherwise. That left me even more confused and upset. I knew I didn't want to jump into Motherhood, but just like how it happens in Hindi movies, I wasn't able to go ahead and tell the doc that please abort the child.
I took my time and finally decided to go ahead with my pregnancy. I had morning sickness, afternoon sickness, evening sickness. I was throwing up all day. Wonder why it's called 'morning' sickness when you feel 'sick' in the pit all day. After a series of blood tests and ultrasounds, when everything was reported normal. I told my doc about my sickness, thinking she would give me some medication, she very casually said, it's 'normal. Was she out of her mind? Here I am puking my guts out after every meal and beverage, and she is calling it 'normal'! Saying no to medication. She advised me to quit immediately, as my night shifts were taking a toll on my health. I put down my papers much to the agony of my Manager.
Families were happy. Mother and Mother in law guessing the gender of the baby. Already?
I sailed through a comfortable pregnancy, except the last month, where my BP shot up suddenly, and my son was out before his due date. After 12 hours of induced labour and what was once known as the 'private part of my body, now thrown open to nurses and junior docs for internal examination. My son finally was brought out on 11th March 2005, through a C-sec. My husband was there to hold my hand in the OT during the delivery. He definitely was disappointed for a couple of minutes as he realized his dream of a baby girl was shattered, but, the joy of holding his child soon overtook the sadness.
I was zonked with the after-effects of anesthesia. Finally, when I woke up, I saw a tiny creature with pink lips, wrapped in sheets, lying in a cradle next to me. When I held him, all doubts of me being a Mother were put to rest. Little did I know, that what people say about the maternal instinct was actually true.
10 years. From feeding to changing diapers to postpartum swings now and then, to weaning, to changes in my hormone and body. To playschool, to sickness and nursing, to laughter and tears, my life has been nothing less than a roller coaster ride. I listened to everyone and did my own ;).
Priorities had changed. The need of my child came first. The nights when I rocked him and looked at myself in the mirror, I saw the change in my body. Honestly, I wasn't happy about it. From a size 'S' to a size 'L', the clothes now looked like pillow covers. I learned to make the changes in my stride. I had told myself firmly, that I wasn't in the competition for 'Perfect' Mum or 'Perfect' child. I had got many 'what to expect' books on child upbringing. I referred to none. If my child was a fussy eater, I turned on music or cartoon to distract him and get through the meal times. I saw the colors on the paper instead of patterns. I took it slow. I let him play with flour and vessels. Took him in autos, not bothering about dust allergies. Got him the cardboard books, even as my Mother was ranting that it wasn't right to give kids books before an offering to Goddess of Knowledge.
His hair was shaved at the age of one by calling a barber home, who came with a sterilized razor rather than going to Tirupati and standing in the crowd and being jostled around. We did what we wanted to and the way we felt was right. I only listened to his pediatrician. I gave him ice-creams when he had a cold, as the doc said, cold has nothing to do with cold stuff unless the child complains of throat pain, nothing to worry about. Cold is normal and required for building immunity. I loved the pediatrician. He helped me not fuss too much, which was something I couldn't do.
Every milestone crossed. Schools changed if he wasn't happy. From an introvert to a very talkative and social child, I have seen a positive transformation. Bookworm to the core. A soccer fan also loves his wave board and cycle. Sensitive and smart.
After a decade, I can say today, that Thank God! I decided to go ahead with my pregnancy. No matter how doubtful I was, that one decision of keeping my child was the best one I ever took. Lots of learning happened in these 10 years and a lot more in store for me.
I pray that my son grows up to be a good human being.
A couple of hours later, I went to the washroom to take my test. My worst fear came true, the result was positive. I was pregnant. I just didn't know how to react. I cried. I was so scared. I didn't know what to do, whom to talk to, whom to call- Nothing! My mind was blank. I walked up to my Manager and told him, I needed to go home, as I wasn't 'feeling' well. My husband traveling helped, as I didn't want to answer any questions. I reached home and I cried my heart out, something I couldn't do in the office easily. After that, I threw up. Why did I cry? I cried because I was torn between keeping the baby and keeping my job. I did not understand at that time, what was more important. I knew in my heart that I could not leave a child with a maid and work peacefully, because, I wasn't the kind of person who could trust people so easily. I cried myself to sleep that night. Woke up the next morning feeling nauseous. I sent a message to my Manager telling him, that I wasn't well, and would be taking a week off. He was surprised, as he had known me to be someone, who was willing to work even when down with a viral. He sensed that something might be seriously wrong and hence agreed immediately, assuring me that he would take care of everything and I should nurse myself back to health.
After a bout of throwing up, I went to the nearest hospital. Walked into the OPD, waited for 45 minutes, to meet a gynecologist. She did a thorough check-up and confirmed that I was about 5 weeks pregnant. Congratulated me and I said thank you, expressionless. As I walked out, I turned around and asked her, if I had time to abort, she told me I had 3 more weeks for aborting safely. Confused, I called up my husband and cried while telling him about the pregnancy. He coolly said it was my decision to continue with the pregnancy or to choose otherwise. That left me even more confused and upset. I knew I didn't want to jump into Motherhood, but just like how it happens in Hindi movies, I wasn't able to go ahead and tell the doc that please abort the child.
I took my time and finally decided to go ahead with my pregnancy. I had morning sickness, afternoon sickness, evening sickness. I was throwing up all day. Wonder why it's called 'morning' sickness when you feel 'sick' in the pit all day. After a series of blood tests and ultrasounds, when everything was reported normal. I told my doc about my sickness, thinking she would give me some medication, she very casually said, it's 'normal. Was she out of her mind? Here I am puking my guts out after every meal and beverage, and she is calling it 'normal'! Saying no to medication. She advised me to quit immediately, as my night shifts were taking a toll on my health. I put down my papers much to the agony of my Manager.
Families were happy. Mother and Mother in law guessing the gender of the baby. Already?
I sailed through a comfortable pregnancy, except the last month, where my BP shot up suddenly, and my son was out before his due date. After 12 hours of induced labour and what was once known as the 'private part of my body, now thrown open to nurses and junior docs for internal examination. My son finally was brought out on 11th March 2005, through a C-sec. My husband was there to hold my hand in the OT during the delivery. He definitely was disappointed for a couple of minutes as he realized his dream of a baby girl was shattered, but, the joy of holding his child soon overtook the sadness.
I was zonked with the after-effects of anesthesia. Finally, when I woke up, I saw a tiny creature with pink lips, wrapped in sheets, lying in a cradle next to me. When I held him, all doubts of me being a Mother were put to rest. Little did I know, that what people say about the maternal instinct was actually true.
10 years. From feeding to changing diapers to postpartum swings now and then, to weaning, to changes in my hormone and body. To playschool, to sickness and nursing, to laughter and tears, my life has been nothing less than a roller coaster ride. I listened to everyone and did my own ;).
Priorities had changed. The need of my child came first. The nights when I rocked him and looked at myself in the mirror, I saw the change in my body. Honestly, I wasn't happy about it. From a size 'S' to a size 'L', the clothes now looked like pillow covers. I learned to make the changes in my stride. I had told myself firmly, that I wasn't in the competition for 'Perfect' Mum or 'Perfect' child. I had got many 'what to expect' books on child upbringing. I referred to none. If my child was a fussy eater, I turned on music or cartoon to distract him and get through the meal times. I saw the colors on the paper instead of patterns. I took it slow. I let him play with flour and vessels. Took him in autos, not bothering about dust allergies. Got him the cardboard books, even as my Mother was ranting that it wasn't right to give kids books before an offering to Goddess of Knowledge.
His hair was shaved at the age of one by calling a barber home, who came with a sterilized razor rather than going to Tirupati and standing in the crowd and being jostled around. We did what we wanted to and the way we felt was right. I only listened to his pediatrician. I gave him ice-creams when he had a cold, as the doc said, cold has nothing to do with cold stuff unless the child complains of throat pain, nothing to worry about. Cold is normal and required for building immunity. I loved the pediatrician. He helped me not fuss too much, which was something I couldn't do.
Every milestone crossed. Schools changed if he wasn't happy. From an introvert to a very talkative and social child, I have seen a positive transformation. Bookworm to the core. A soccer fan also loves his wave board and cycle. Sensitive and smart.
After a decade, I can say today, that Thank God! I decided to go ahead with my pregnancy. No matter how doubtful I was, that one decision of keeping my child was the best one I ever took. Lots of learning happened in these 10 years and a lot more in store for me.
I pray that my son grows up to be a good human being.
Reading this late, and wishing him once again "Happy Birthday Boy".
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