Bumped into a neighbour yesterday, in the lift. She lives on a floor above me. Now she is not particularly fond of me, because of a maid clash we had few months ago. She looked flustered, tired and upset. Not able to control myself, I asked her if she was fine, and she burst out crying. I was shocked, I didnt know what to do, in an impulse I just took her to my place, she has a 3 year old kid, who was also perturbed to see his mother's plight.
I sat her down, gave her a glass of water and she calmed down a bit. I took her son to my son's room, and gave him few toys, then I asked her if she wanted to talk about what's bothering her, to which she replied, that I would not be able to solve her problem. So I said, I wasn't trying to solve her problem, neither am I prying, told her that if she wanted a listener, I was there.
She spoke after few minutes, saying that there was trouble in her paradise. She and her husband are always bickering, when it came to the well being of their kid. She confessed that she was over protective and she just can't bring herself to trust anyone, she is the kind of person, who sits outside the play school for 3 hours, as she would be instantly available if there was a problem. She takes her kid everywhere, from grocery shopping to parlours, the lil one was a tag along. If by chance she left him with her husband, there would be a list of do's and dont's and food and beverages to be given at specified intervals, this arrangement was also followed up by numerous calls to find out if he was fine, if he was playing and if he was playing, what was he playing with, was he being supervised...and the list was endless. Now, OBVIOUSLY there had to be trouble.
I was making coffee while she was brewing about the issue, I told her that what she was doing was wrong. Me and my big mouth!! I apologized, and then I continued, I said am no expert or an agony aunt, to give counselling or advice, but I know that you are wrong. Every person needs his space to thrive, that includes kids. They need to be left with the school caretakers, with their dads, their grandparents, and slowly we need to let go. If one day, or one meal has junk in it, that is not going to cause a major damage to their liver or any other part of the anatomy. Constant feeding without the kid asking, after the age of 1, will never let him understand the meaning of hunger and that 'food' is what is eaten to banish the hunger pang.
A child, needs his/her father as much as he/she needs the mother. While the mums go about doing everything meticulously without anyone interfering or constantly telling them, its only because, people know that the maternal instincts are very strong.
Likewise, a father, needs his time alone with his kid, and they are not going to harm the child, the fathers are infact more careful than the mothers, when it comes to handling an infant or a toddler or a child- even a teen, but they need their space, and these days the men are hands-on Papas as much as the Mums are. I told her that she needs her space, her time away from the kid was important to her. She cannot be de-stressing herself in a parlour, with a facial or mani-pedi treatments, if she was going to take her kid along. And they are not safe for lil ones, its accident prone. And she was messed up, she was always angry, cranky as she couldn't focus on anything besides the child, there was no entertainment, even her kitty parties were spent taking care of the child. I said, while its important to be there for your child, you also need to let go of him, so that he grows up to be an independent and a confident child. A lil bit fries, once a week or twice a month is perfectly ok. Kids don't grow according to the what to expect books, while they are good for references, they are not gospels. We all find our methods to bring up our children, and if it works for you its fine. It need not work for others and similarly others methods might not suit our style or our kids. There is no benchmark when it comes to an upbringing of a child. We are the ones who create it, if a child is throwing a tantrum or fighting, we immediately label the parents, what we don't realize is those tantrum throwing children will eventually learn that in the real world there is nobody who would give in to their demands, and an extremely well behaved, polite and subdued child will also find a way to fight his own battle amongst manipulative people.
As long as, we are doing the basics, like teaching them hygiene, respect, love, I think we are all there. And Papas need to preach, equally. For a son, a father is the partner for sports, gaming and learning the nuances of being a MAN. For a daughter, a father is a partner for reading, basketball, long walks, and a man who would be responsible for her emotional well being, because, that's what helps her in selecting her life partner. Motherhood can be quite taxing, and if there are people to ease you out, you should sit back and relax with some 'alone' time, this will only make you a better person and a delightful, happy Mom.
In my case, I had my first drink with my Dad :). Maybe, that is why, I know how to hold my drink and have it responsibly.
My neighbour walked out of my house, she hugged me and I was just happy to give her a different perspective.
I sat her down, gave her a glass of water and she calmed down a bit. I took her son to my son's room, and gave him few toys, then I asked her if she wanted to talk about what's bothering her, to which she replied, that I would not be able to solve her problem. So I said, I wasn't trying to solve her problem, neither am I prying, told her that if she wanted a listener, I was there.
She spoke after few minutes, saying that there was trouble in her paradise. She and her husband are always bickering, when it came to the well being of their kid. She confessed that she was over protective and she just can't bring herself to trust anyone, she is the kind of person, who sits outside the play school for 3 hours, as she would be instantly available if there was a problem. She takes her kid everywhere, from grocery shopping to parlours, the lil one was a tag along. If by chance she left him with her husband, there would be a list of do's and dont's and food and beverages to be given at specified intervals, this arrangement was also followed up by numerous calls to find out if he was fine, if he was playing and if he was playing, what was he playing with, was he being supervised...and the list was endless. Now, OBVIOUSLY there had to be trouble.
I was making coffee while she was brewing about the issue, I told her that what she was doing was wrong. Me and my big mouth!! I apologized, and then I continued, I said am no expert or an agony aunt, to give counselling or advice, but I know that you are wrong. Every person needs his space to thrive, that includes kids. They need to be left with the school caretakers, with their dads, their grandparents, and slowly we need to let go. If one day, or one meal has junk in it, that is not going to cause a major damage to their liver or any other part of the anatomy. Constant feeding without the kid asking, after the age of 1, will never let him understand the meaning of hunger and that 'food' is what is eaten to banish the hunger pang.
A child, needs his/her father as much as he/she needs the mother. While the mums go about doing everything meticulously without anyone interfering or constantly telling them, its only because, people know that the maternal instincts are very strong.
Likewise, a father, needs his time alone with his kid, and they are not going to harm the child, the fathers are infact more careful than the mothers, when it comes to handling an infant or a toddler or a child- even a teen, but they need their space, and these days the men are hands-on Papas as much as the Mums are. I told her that she needs her space, her time away from the kid was important to her. She cannot be de-stressing herself in a parlour, with a facial or mani-pedi treatments, if she was going to take her kid along. And they are not safe for lil ones, its accident prone. And she was messed up, she was always angry, cranky as she couldn't focus on anything besides the child, there was no entertainment, even her kitty parties were spent taking care of the child. I said, while its important to be there for your child, you also need to let go of him, so that he grows up to be an independent and a confident child. A lil bit fries, once a week or twice a month is perfectly ok. Kids don't grow according to the what to expect books, while they are good for references, they are not gospels. We all find our methods to bring up our children, and if it works for you its fine. It need not work for others and similarly others methods might not suit our style or our kids. There is no benchmark when it comes to an upbringing of a child. We are the ones who create it, if a child is throwing a tantrum or fighting, we immediately label the parents, what we don't realize is those tantrum throwing children will eventually learn that in the real world there is nobody who would give in to their demands, and an extremely well behaved, polite and subdued child will also find a way to fight his own battle amongst manipulative people.
As long as, we are doing the basics, like teaching them hygiene, respect, love, I think we are all there. And Papas need to preach, equally. For a son, a father is the partner for sports, gaming and learning the nuances of being a MAN. For a daughter, a father is a partner for reading, basketball, long walks, and a man who would be responsible for her emotional well being, because, that's what helps her in selecting her life partner. Motherhood can be quite taxing, and if there are people to ease you out, you should sit back and relax with some 'alone' time, this will only make you a better person and a delightful, happy Mom.
In my case, I had my first drink with my Dad :). Maybe, that is why, I know how to hold my drink and have it responsibly.
My neighbour walked out of my house, she hugged me and I was just happy to give her a different perspective.
This what I need now :).
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