Musings!!!

Few days ago, I was changing channels on TV, as usual there were lots of saas-bahu shows, surfing past the regressive shows, I came across the 1994 blockbuster “Hum Aapke Hain Kaun”, felt nostalgic, decided to watch it for a while, and re-live the experience of watching it. Madhuri and her 1000 watt smile, It was a typical Barjatya movie, drama, romance, comedy, tragedy and then a happy ending.

I remember going to Satyam – a theatre in Delhi’s busy Patel Nagar area with my sister to book about 15 tickets for my entire clan.

  On a saturday evening, all of us got ready, my mother and aunts in their printed silks, matching sweaters, pashmina shawls, the Tam Bram trademark bindis and diamond studded nose pins.

 My sister, me, and my cousins, were happy to walk behind them, of course, we maintained a distance as well, the whole 4 block could have heard their chattering. 

 From Karol Bagh it takes about 15-20 minutes to reach Patel Nagar, by autorickshaw, so, we decided to split in two groups and reach the theatre in two autos, after haggling with the auto wala regarding the meter fare, we finally reached. What a relief! Found our seats, settled down, still the chattering continued, mind it… People turned around and stared at us, we hushed up our respective Moms, and after a series of ads and trailers, the movie started, thank god!

 The first half of the movie was in the following sequence: Title song-scene-song-scene-song-scene-song-scene.. A song for every reason, every occasion, with all the women dressed up in gaudy silk sarees and salwars, with chunky jewelery, red lipsticks. You know the funny part about this movie, a millionaire lived in a palatial bungalow and so did a college professor.

 The movie epitomized a PERFECT Indian joint family, where the ‘father’ is actually a chacha, who happily sacrifices his dreams to raise his deceased brother’s sons, educates them, gives them a ‘sanskari’ upbringing and also settles them. Everybody including my clan was laughing and enjoying till the first half, and then the perfect bahu dies, sitting in one corner, I could see my Mum and my Aunts wiping their tears with their pallus, until my cousin intervened and said, “don’t worry Mom, I am still alive”, for which she was rebuked,..and was called stone hearted, poor thing.

 But, like all hindi movies, the director ensured a happy ending, got Madhuri married to Salman. There were two Punju behenjis sitting behind us, who were really worried about Madhuri’s future if she was married off to Mohnish Behl, and when it didn’t happen, they were the happiest, “Chalo acha hua, varna bechari ko kitni takleef hoti, ek taraf behen ka pati aur ek taraf apna pyaar”, hahahaha.. We had a great time.

 That movie made my Mom fantasize about my wedding, she dreamt that her daughter be married off to a family where the in-laws would take care and love their daughter in law, and where everybody would have lot of fun in the wedding, (I was still in school by the way).

 The one tradition that I really love in the Tam bram style of wedding is the Kanyadaan tradition, The bride has to sit on her father’s lap, the gothras are changed, and then the groom ties the “Taali”(mangalsutra). Its a very emotional moment. I was emotional when I witnessed the Kanyadaan of my cousin.

 However, I later got married to a mallu, and the wedding was formalised in their style, which got over in about half an hour. I did not give too much importance to the way we got married, because at that time, there were other things that were more important than the style of wedding, we were okay with a court marriage also, as we had a tough time convincing our parents, especially the mothers, so we just prayed that Aal Izz Well!

I realized what I missed, when I attended my sister’s wedding, she was sitting on  dad’s lap, holding her emotions, forcing a smile at the photographer, that day more than her, I cried, because, I was also my Papa’s darling daughter, and I wasn’t lucky enough to experience this emotional moment in my life, a moment where the father holds his daughter’s hand, and gives her away to a Man, who after that ritual, would be the karta-dharta of his daughter’s life, where the Dad, silently prays for his daughter’s happiness, and well being. It must have pierced his heart so much to give away his flesh and blood, and ironically, that also must have been the happiest day in his life, my father could do the kanyadaan only for one daughter, am sure my father misses that as much as I do.

There is a saying in hindi, , “Kanyadaan sabse bada punya hai”, .those who don’t have daughters cannot relate to it, the least that they can do is to,  treat the daughters in law as they would treat their children, without forgetting that the daughter in law, is a prized possession of someone, and that she was also brought up with lots of love and attention, with values deeply embedded as much as their sons or maybe even more. Then, in reality also we would have “Happy Endings”. 

P.S. – I watched Hum Aapke Hain Kaun 5 times in the theatre.